Sample Essay 1 - Original

The following is an actual student essay submitted for revision. Click here to see EssayLift’s critique and revised draft.

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Prompt: Tell us about a person who has influenced you in a significant way.

Following is a conversation I have had many times over the past several years:

Me: “Hey, how did you solve that problem?”
Friend (smugly): “My parents helped me.”

With my parents’ decision to separate in 1999, I lost the luxury of receiving academic help from both my mother and father. For a few years, I was jealous of my friends’ smug replies, but I realized that my parents, despite their inability to guide me with schoolwork, gave me something more valuable. They gave me the opportunity to thrive in a unique environment, one in which I could explore different points of view and experience life’s most rigorous obstacles. Moreover, my parents helped me develop character that can only be obtained through observation of role models exemplifying the methods of dealing with difficult situations.

In 1999, my father had to go back to Germany because of his job. Instead of taking the family with him, my father, with the consent of my mother, decided to go back by himself. My parents had sacrificed each other for my education, and as I went through eighth grade and high school, I realized that this sacrifice brought a plethora of mixed blessings.

Because my dad could only stop by California once every two months, my mom went through a period of depression. Despite their struggles, my parents showed intense determination, the determination to make their choice worthwhile. Their tenacity was so overwhelming that it eventually affected me. To show my parents that their sacrifices and hardships were meaningful, I took advantage of all the resources – extracurricular activities, rigorous courses, experiences – offered to me. What really kept me trying to excel was their ability to express joy, optimism, and thankfulness along with perseverance even through tough times. My mom and dad exemplified the necessary characteristics for success, and I observed.

As the hardships brought out the best qualities of my parents, the string of obstacles that they faced allowed me to partake in invaluable experiences and roles in the family. In the absence of my father, I became the father, guiding my younger brother through school and giving him advice about life. As the acting father of the household, I became my mom’s friend and her confidant; in times of struggle, I supported her by engaging in profound conversations and by listening to her thoughts and problems. I also began to deeply appreciate what my father had done for the family.

Without my father to ask for help, my mother sought my assistance dealing with real life problems such as credit card fraud, car accidents, incorrect billings, and house maintenance. Although I hated executing all the calling and fixing, I now realize that those dreadful experiences were priceless, for I know that such problems will cross my path in the future.

Because of my parents’ crucial decision to separate in 1999, I had the opportunity to be a father, a confidant, a brother, and a son. My parents offered me the chance to learn in special situations. By observing my parents throughout their difficulties, I obtained their best qualities – their ability to stay optimistic, to be thankful, and to persevere. I realize that it did not matter if my parents could not help me with schoolwork; they helped me become a mature, experienced person.