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Sample Essay 2 - OriginalThe following is an actual student essay submitted for revision. Click here to see EssayLift’s critique and revised draft.
Prompt: There is a significant difference between a stupid mistake and a clever one. Give an example of a "clever" mistake and explain how it benefited you or others. When I open the gigantic cabinet underneath the television, I see row after row of indistinguishable home videos. However, this image transforms into something more vivid and alive as a myriad of memories flash before my eyes. I recall my radiant, smiling face smeared with birthday cake at my sixth birthday party and also a bright red tomato face when I struggled to play the trumpet in my first band concert in the fifth grade. While these memories highlight my early childhood, there is one special tape that outshines the others. In this video, a young boy around the age of six dawns a white Tae Kwon Do uniform bearing the Korean flag on one sleeve and the American flag on the other. A gold cross necklace dangles over the top of his oversized uniform, which neatly displays his name embroidered in Korean on the front. The boy appears to be nervous as it becomes his turn in line to break a wooden board by performing a jumping sidekick. A group of spectators watch as the boy assumes a fighting stance in preparation for his big kick. Three venerable Tae Kwon Do headmasters with the power to fulfill or smash the boy’s dreams of earning a more esteemed belt look on from a distance. The boy lets out a loud and high pitched "Hyah!" that is far from intimidating as he waddles down the runway like a goose ready to flap its wings and fly. However, as the boy is on the verge of his vertical leap, his oversized pant leg gets caught underneath him and he falls flat on his face. Some people gasp but others cannot help but snicker. The boy warily stands up but cannot muster enough strength to break the board after the devastating fall. Whenever I watch this hilarious event now, I can understand why people snickered at my blunder. Eleven years ago, however, I was quite embarrassed and could not handle the shame that I was bearing upon myself. I thought it was just a stupid mistake and that I had failed miserably. I even considered quitting Tae Kwon Do and giving up on my dreams of success, but my small “stupid” mistake proved to be a clever one in the long run. It helped me to search deep within myself for the inner strength necessary to carry on with the sport. Furthermore, it helped me to become a determined and focused person in all areas of my life. Without the mistake, I feel that I would not have grown as much as I have as a person and as an athlete. Eleven years after the incident, my dedication to Tae Kwon Do paid off as I found myself on the first place stage in a statewide New Jersey tournament. I wore a second degree black belt, which was the highest rank of any student in my Tae Kwon Do school. I proudly wore a shiny gold medal around my neck that represented my accomplishment and was dulled only by the sparkles in my eyes. I had fallen and I had failed but here I was standing on the highest pedestal filled with a sense of victory. As I prepare to enter a new stage of my life, reflecting on this important milestone in Tae Kwon Do becomes increasingly important in my development as a scholar. I am well aware that a computer science major is rigorous and mentally demanding. In parallel to my oldest Tae Kwon Do experience, I will trip and I will fall, making mistakes along the way. However, I will also get up and succeed with determination. Just as my Tae Kwon Do uniform was entirely too big for me at first, I realize that studying computer science at the college level may seem initially overwhelming. However, I also expect that one day I will once again be able to look back and see myself having achieved what I set out to accomplish. To me, there are only clever mistakes because each “stupid” blunder only challenges me and helps me to become stronger. |
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